An Apology

This is an apology. An apology to friends, and to family. This is my apology for the way my priorities have been twisted and contorted to the demands and cravings of my addictions for the past few years. I had one goal in life, and that was the next pursuit to get high. Anything and everything else that stood in the way or had a chance of holding me accountable was swiftly thrown to the wayside. Individuals who I have been friends with for my entire life have hardly seen or heard from me in the past few years, solely due to the fact that they might have had something intelligent to say, something that could have potentially thrown me off of my tunnel-vision pursuit of drugs and alcohol. Some of you simply stopped making any attempts to contact me or help me, and for that I can't even begin to blame you. I was a shell of a person, nothing near the friend that you had previously known for so long. Others of you actually have continued to stay in contact with me, and we have maintained relationships that are held up on your efforts and your efforts alone. I can't take back the way I kicked you to the curb, the way I kept my walls up in order to keep you from seeing who my addictions had made me. What I can do, however, is say that I want you back. I realize now that the attention you were attempting to give me was the attention of a true and sincere friend, rather than the attention I was getting from many of recent friends, which was based solely on finding someone to drag down with them.

This is not to say that I did not make valuable friends during my time doing drugs. However, the sad fact is that I only met these people because of my habits, and built those relationships from there. You guys have been there for me since I can remember. You were there before my first cigarette, before my first drink, and before I started experimenting with drugs. Your love has been unconditional, and in a sick way of thanking you I simply pushed you away because you were a threat to my newly developed habits.

I apologize to you with no agenda of this making everything right, no intentions of my words bringing us together like it once was. I know that your friendship and your trust are privileges that I need to earn after such a long time of taking them for granted. I haven't treated you fairly, I haven't treated you with love, and worst of all I haven't treated you anywhere near as well as you have treated me through this sickening phase.

Finally, I ask of you one thing: forgive me. Give me a chance to prove that I am more than I have made myself out to be. I promise you that beneath the bitter, cold, and self-serving guise I have worn for the past few years there is the David that you knew before. The David that you might have played music with, played baseball with, gone to church with. That David is still here, and he is ashamed of his actions, and humbled by your seemingly endless grace. I love all of you, and hope to eventually make things right.